Fighting the Good Fight

I remember student  teaching orientation well.  I’d count it as one of life’s greatest wow moments.   The hundreds of student teachers who would represent our university gathered in the auditorium.  We reviewed rules and were reminded of the significance of our title as Student Teachers ---- This was as real as real would get until we became official teachers!   It was both exhilarating and overwhelming. I’d come from a university population that capped at 2,000 students and a very close-knit group of nine History majors. 

After our whole group meeting we broke into our small groups to meet our university professor that would evaluate us during student teaching.   It was a group between eight and ten of us who he’d guide to be leaders--- the now that you are   hype about student teaching in general let’s talk details.  As a small university girl, I was much more comfortable here.  We worked to know one another.

At the conclusion of our small group, I went to introduce myself to my professor.   I was excited but also nervous.  I needed him to know that I had cerebral palsy (CP) because as much as I try to not make it matter it always will.   I’m not obligated to share but I’ve always considered it somewhat necessary because it alters the way I engage with people.  I’d rather just tell you so you don’t need to imagine. Assumptions are the worst!   It’s a routine conversation for me.  My professor’s response was impactful and demonstrated a unique level of respect.  He said,         “Julie, remember that you’re going to have bad days because you’re a (student) teacher.  We all do.   Then remember, that you’ll probably have bad days because you’re a  (student) teacher with cerebral palsy and that makes sense.”      

Right now, life’s a roller coaster. There are days when I’m stuck in life isn’t fair. I’ve exhausted all options…. I want just a little bit more.  Good heavens haven’t I conquered enough?! Then, there are days when I sit thinking about the magnitude of all the magnificent obstacles I’ve  (No wait…  We) already have overcome as someone with cerebral palsy.   It is without question the most chaotic time in my life!

Cerebral palsy is a weight that the community cannot completely lift or carry with me.  Nonetheless, everyone has baggage and burdens.  It could be broken relationships, lost children, financial hardships, a   rotten job (or no work at all). And at some point each of has groaned that our situation is most difficult.   It’s impossible to be understood!  It’s no secret that life is   a tough balancing act.   Deep Breath…. You’ve got this!

March celebrates cerebral palsy awareness month.   So for a little while my weight is nationally recognized and supported.   I’ve put extra green in my wardrobe (that’s our color) but other than that I just try   to compassionately persevere through the challenges that stand in front of me daily.     I guess we’re all just trying to make the weight of our world a little lighter.

 Regardless of the month I tell the people that matter to me that it takes special people to look past someone’s disability and straight into their heart!   Once I’ve told you this, I won’t ever take it back…. I trust your honesty enough to recognize my abilities and joy. 

  On my roughest days, I’m thankful for that conversation during orientation. There are few that can teach with the same level of compassion, understanding, and rigor that this mentor does.  He never said I couldn’t or wouldn’t.  He even  warned me early that I should expect more   bad days than the average  (student) teacher.   He respected my burdens as they were but also expected that I’d have enough grit to make it through!    Those people keep me fired up!  

 

We are each fighting the personal barriers of life and the brokenness of the world together! A mighty task for sure! Bad days make perfect sense.  Remember though, they aren’t a reason to give up.   It takes special people to look past whatever your imperfection might be.    Find your special people.  Fight the good fight  with them! 

Y'all it's awesome how much teachers can change your life even when you've left the classroom!

Quiet Courage!

In early February I met with an employment agency that helps disabled people find work.   The woman who I spoke with was genuinely kind but when I left her office I was furious.   She welcomed me and then said,  “Julie, your paperwork says, you have cerebral palsy (CP).  So, tell me what you can’t do.”

I imagined that our meeting would be filled with questions that might give her a clearer picture of my abilities.   Can you write or type?  Can you balance a budget?  Instead, I processed one shallow and loaded question:  What can’t you do as a young woman with cerebral palsy?

  

 I took a deep breath, and then replied.           “It is my dream to be a High School History teacher.  I face many challenges as an individual with CP. It’s not really about identifying them; it’s about understanding how we’re going to confront them together in the work place.  Could you ask me a specific question about activities that I might struggle with?”   At my request she did and the conversation seemed to flow more easily.

This story has been on the forefront of my mind for a while.   It sends a definitive message that disabled people are often defined by our handicaps--- even by those who work in the disability community.     Yet those who advocate on our behalf caution us with good intention do not let your disability be you.   And sometimes people even try to comfort me by reminding me that in one or another, everyone has a disability.  As someone who copes with cerebral palsy, I strive to live so, that CP isn’t simply known as neurological disability but remembered as an act of courageous persistence. Right now living that way is hard!

Last week, I   took the standardized teaching test (again) and missed the mark by mere points.  Failing the test seems to echo the idea that people are hyper focused on what I can’t do. As I get older, it’s becoming more difficult not to have a definitive place in world. Sometimes, it feels like the world’s just moving around me ----  that I’m not actually part of it.   Admitting this lack of belonging is extremely difficult but why it is exists is more powerful.

In order for me to connect with society as disabled person three things need to happen.  First, I need to be brave enough to think that you’ll accept me even though I am disabled.

Second, because odds are that non disabled folks won’t be naturally comfortable with the ways that I’m different most will need an explanation of why cerebral palsy makes our particular task difficult / or different for me

Third, as a non – disabled person you need to trust my ability

 The final step is where most people fall short.   Few people trust me!  It’s much easier to recognize my quirks than the quiet courage I bring with me everywhere I go.    To tell you I’m different and then work to be the same   simply because so many are afraid that the different way might actually work---- that takes courage!

 It's  cerebral palsy awarness month  Go Green & Celebrate Courage!